Diet Plan

Everyday I'm beoming more and more discusted with myself.
My weight is so hidious and I can't bring myself to step on the scales..

SO, I'm going back to my old diet plan:

No:
Products high in : salt, fat, starch, protein, sugar, calories etc..
Food or drink from cans.
No more than 100 calories a day.
Take-away - A BIG NO-NO.
No sweets/candy, chocolate etc..
Meat or animal produced products : Dairy products: milk, cheese
                                                          Eggs
Soft/fizzy drinks: Coca Cola, Moutain Dew etc.

Yes:
FRESH, ORGANIC fruit and veg.
Home-made.
Water.
BLACK tea and coffee.
Only if needed: 1 ENERGY DRINK EVERY FEW WEEKS TO KEEP MYSELF GOING.

From today.

Thats it.
I've had enough.
I'm going back on my ana diet.

Expect blogs/updates every day on my mood, weight, my food + calorie intake and measurements (wrist, forearm, upper arm, chest, ribs, waist, hips, bottom + legs - thigh and calf)

I feel like utter shit, I NEED TO CHANGE BACK.
First entry below.

Mood: I'm so stressed! I've recently taken up smoking to calm my nerves and I haven't had on today..
I've also been going to parties as much as possible, I feel I can let go a lot easier if I'm drinking..
My mother and sister are seriously getting on my nerves today, their ganging up on me and making me out to be the one in the wrong.. My mother actually threatened to hit me earlier, I couldn't believe my ears!!
I cannot stand these people..

Weight: 9 stone 5.6

Food intake: Chocolate Moose (80cal)
A slice of bread with butter (134cal)
Carrot Cake (385cal)


Measurements:
Wrist - 4.9"
Forearm - 8"
Upperarm - 9.5"
Chest - 33.8"
Ribs - 29.12"
Waist - 24.8"
Hips - 34.10"
Bottom - 39.6"
Thighs - 18.9"
Calves - 12.8"

I am SO disgusted with myself.... :(

After nearly a year of on and off dating, we get back together.

We've been together six days.

And last night he cheated on me.

He cheated REPEATEDLY.

With 5 DIFFERENT GIRLS.

Love you too babe.

It's all genetic;)

My sister and I, I guess you could say we've been getting on a lot these days.

I know, weird right?

We scream and bitch and accuse each other and I lose my wit with her mostly everyday!
Yet etween all of that, there always seems lie there's time for a quick joke and a laugh over something or other.

She's become more like me in ways..
- She comes to me for advice on things.
- If I'm cleaning out my wardrobe, and there's something she likes, she'll ask.
- She bought a pair of converse from me once, because I rarely wore them anymore.
- She seems to know what I'm talking about when my mother makes a snide comment about
   something I have done/ said.
- She listens to some of the music I listen to.
- She's caught on to my way and things I like, so she'll know if something's wrong, or if there's
  something I won't like.
- She'll do little things she'll do everyday just for the laughs.
- She's open to new things
- And understands when I need my space

And I do just as much for her:)

Yes, we're insane, but what can I say? It's all genetic;)

Fellow blog readers..

It's been a while since I updated so I think I'll just let a little out of what's happened since February:

I've had 2 boyfriends and decided dating really wasn't something that I was interested in at the moment, so I've decided I'm not going to date until I find someone I can see a future and a good relationship with.

I've cast my father out of my life. After causing most of my physical and mental problems, giving me lectures about nothing, controlling my every movement and diet, that because I broke up with my ex, Stevie, I disgusted him. At that point I just snapped. He stills thinks he has control over me and has this stupid little thought in his head that he knows everything and anyone else with a different opinion is wrong.
Yet the idiot still hasn't caught on and thinks he's still able to come 'round and see me whenever he likes.

I've currently got 3mm stretchers and last friday went into a shop in town (Blue Banana) and got 2 helix piercings (photo's below).



I've managed to keep my weight around 9 stone lately, but will be kicking back into dietry mode ASAP, just for summer! :)

I have changed a lot since February, I'm a lot more rebellious, I'm up for a lot more, I'm a lot more socially active, I got my stretchers without my parent's permission, I got my helix piercings with only my mother's permission, I want a hair cut and I want to dye my hair purple again...

So here's the deal with my hair; I bleached it (with Loreal Quick Blue Bleach):

Then dyed it purple (Schwartkopf's Live Colour XXL Colour Intense In Mystic Purple):

And it came out this dark purple colour.

Then  went swimming and it stripped my hair:

So I left it for 2 weeks:

And then dyed it again (Superdrug's Colour Intense In Mystic Purple - I DO NOT SUGGEST YOU USE THIS ONE):

And it turned out thid redish-purple colour, which is now fading quickly to my natural blonde colour:

And I now want to dye it again, either purple or red (vote for the colour in the comments below) and get my fringe cut, like so:

(This is Amber Katelyn Beale or AmbrehhhIsDead an american Scene Queen and one of my role models:3)

I've recently widened my variety in makeup and nail polish designs, so instead of having just big black eye makeup and a single colour set of nails, I've experimented with blending eyeshadows and water marble designs with my nails.





If you guys wanna get to see more of me and my life or want to request a video from me on youtube, send me a message on:
Facebook - facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/mooshisyndrome

Twitter - twitter.com/#!/mooshisyndrome
Youtube - youtube.com/user/xoKillerKittyox?feature=mhee
And PLEASE read and share my stories on Quotev - http://www.quotev.com/mooshisyndrome

Thank you!! <3

Infections..

It's been a while since I've posted on here and I'm sorry, but there's a lot going on and I wasn't sure what to post.

So, last wednesday I got sent home bbecause of my IBS, plus I had a headache that was making me dizzy and sick. This headache carried on until Sunday morning (7:15am) when I collapsed on the bathroom floor and was taken to hospital by my mother where I found that I now also have a viral infection and a water infection.

I'm starting to think my body can't handle the weight of everything it's going through and as the days go by I'm getting worse.

Okay, now this is really really starting to piss me off..

Okay, so i know it's been a while since I updated, but my weight has really been pissing me off the last few days. I went down to 9 stone 3 and was really happy with myself, but I weighed myself earlier to find I've gone up to 9 stone 6/7!
I'm in my room most of the time these days and when my mum calls me down for tea, I try to delay getting it, but then when I go down for something else she'll route march me into the kitchen to my tea.
I'll then go back upstairs to eat it, then realizing afterwards that I could of flushed it or left it down for the dog! I automatically feel fat afterwards and end up drinking as much water as I can in the next hour or two.

Resorting back to Bulimia is kind of out of option at the moment, I can't seem to get myself to throw up, it's infuriating!!

I have to go back to the doctors on Monday and according to my friends and my one of my teachers it's becoming more and more obvious that I've lost weight. Now don't get me wrong, I want people to notice I've lost weight and I want them to compliment me, but I don't want to walk into the doc's office and want him to give me another concerned look. Also my father's going with me and he doesn't know I've been cutting again. I can't exactly hide the fact that I've done it from my doctor either considering there's new scars on my wrist and a scar running down my torso, I have IBS, so he's going to be checking my stomach and ribs for any difference anyway.


So, christmas and new years was interesting. I broke up with my boyfriend and my best friend. I recently got back with him and me and my best friend have sorted our problems between us out. The whole time I was away from both of them my stomach was having a fucking fit! I was up most nights in agonizing pain knowing that when I went back to school I was going to get ripped apart!! But, luckily, it didn't happen. (Phew!)



I've fallen out with my "Dad" over my boyfriend. I can understand he doesn't like him, but EVERY TIME I see him he automatically asks if I'm still with him or how are relationship is going. He's even started threatening him in front of me just to get me pissed off, then tells me if I keep ignoring him that he's going to flip on me:/
...and I though he was the nice one.

I love my boyfriend and wish no harm to him even when he frustrate me beyond belief. If anything were to happen to him I don't know what I'd do. He's the reason I'm still here, I was contemplating suicide when I broke up with him and my bestie. I cry my eyes out even at the thought of losing them again.

I say I need no one and most of the time this is true, but in all reality I need them more than the air I breathe.