What the actual fuuh...?

Okay, so it was Christmas two days ago and I was forced to eat EVERY DAY at my Dad's and we stayed there for four days (me and my sister). I get home on Boxing Day and as routine I weigh myself to find out how much I had gone up, (expecting something like 10 stone) but instead I have LOST WEIGHT! I've gone down to 9 stone 6!!:D I couldn't fell any happier for myself, except the fact that I ate all that fat, all those carbohydrates, all that starch, salt and sugar... I may try and avoid eating for a couple of days to see if I can get closer to 9 stone....

My life may be worthless to me at times, but at least I'm one step closer to reaching my goal weight!:)

Help...

Okay...So, I've been trying to loose weight for just over a year now and I've only managed to loose a stone and thankfully I've been able to keep it off.
I'm 15, 5 "7 and a 1/2 and I weigh 9 st. 8.
My best friend is on similar lines as me with weight but she's is quite a bit larger than me.
In the past few months she has dropped two dress sizes and whenever I ask her how she does it, she says I at less fattening stuff, eat mainly low fat and low cal stuff, three meals a day and exercise in my aunts garage ('cause she has weights and a treadmill). She's also told me she stops eating a few days in a week.
But no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get my parents off my back. Hate to admit it, but they are fat.
I eat one meal a day (forced), my mother keeps on saying eat healthier then will give me something and then tell me some crap to try and tell me it's healthy, whereas my father will shove something fat infested in my face and tell me "Eat!" because "I'm too thin."

I finally managed to get my mother to listen to me the other night to tell her 'I want her to help me to loose weight.'
She replied, 'She would give me things like salad and fruit more often and stop buying things that I say I won't eat.' (Well, at least she's starting to understand..)

I go to the hospital once a month (which I absolutely hate!!!) to see Dr. Hart, because for the past three years I've had abdominal pains, which the more I visit the more they think I have Irritable Bawl Syndrome, (search on Google) which is 'caused by stress and mostly reacts with fats.
So that keeps the fats away:)
The Doctor has seen my scars and they have sent a letter of referral to a therapist for me to see about it. Little do most people around know about me and my everyday life anymore. The Doctor has also laughingly told me that if I lose much more weight then I am in chance of having an eating disorder!-____-

HA. HA. HA.

I need help with how to get around eating without my parents knowing...I need some thinspo, ANY INFORMATION IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!

The guilty feeling in the pit of my food infested gut...

I've over-eaten today... But can you blame me?!

My boyfriend, they guy that says he loves and trusts me, hates me. He's accused me of flirting with a guy that has helped me SO much this past year. An AMAZING guy has kept the many secrets I don't want my boyfriend to know.

I have a family who will never underestand. 

I'm not gonna see my friends for 3 and a half weeks. 

And when I get back to school I have SO many exams to do-___- 

If you ask me, I shouldn't be here. I should be locked away and left to wallow in what self-pity I have left! I should be in a nuthouse! I should be starved for days on end 'till I'm thin enough to be classed as pretty. 

No matter what people say, I AM ugly, I AM fat and I

Should be locked away out of site where I can't ruin anything else. 

I should just let the world carry on and let them forget about me. 

What's one person disappearing gonna change??

Love You Less...

I've added to the scar, the scar that crawls down my ribs. hope it makes you happy, 'cause it's all I have to give. We're fighting 'cause of me again, when I did nothing wrong. I look down and my scar now it's getting kinda long. You think I love another, when all I want is you. Maybe my father was right. There's no future for me and you.
As I lay here thinking and crying from the stress, a thought pops into my head, I think I love you less..

You said it so it must be true. I'm sorry, this is was all my fault..

14 december '11

For the past three years (this christmas), I've been suffering from abdominal pains that deprive me from doing things.
These pains can last from 5 minutes to 3 days where I am in pain and sometimes unable to move..
Today I'm lying in bed in pain AGAIN and have just about managed to persuade my mother I can't actually move to go to school. This last week doesn't really matter, because on the last week of term(the semester) the teachers honestly can't be asked to teach us anything, so the put shitty films on that I never want to watch. Apart from the uptight twats who think it's okay to make us write a speech and draw diagrams in groups, then tell us to talk to the class about it.
I've never work with or talk to anyone. So, what's the freaking point?!

This is me...

My name is Kara and I have a problem with my life.
For the past year or so, I have harmed, starved myself, thrown any possible piece of food I have swallowed back up and slowly pulled myself down into the oblivion of depression.


I'm still having problems today, I hate my weight, the way I look, the way I am,..the fact that i have to lie to the ones Iove to keep them away and to keep them happy.
And even though I find it increasingly hard to "love" these people, but I can't help but feel the guilt sitting on my shoulder everywhere I go.


I've resulted to harming my rib cage as my arm where to visible and I was judged, pushed about and teased for it. So I resulted to my ribs.
I eat one meal a day, forced. If I had nmy way I would eat just under one meal A WEEK! 


I have, thankfully, lost weight this past  month. I've gone from 10 stone 8, to 9 stone 8, so that's 1 stone gone. 
My goal: TO REACH 8 STONE OR AT LEAST A SIZE 8 BY EASTER:)


I will be posting pictures of my progress once a month...if I can work out how. And any tips from any pro-ana's out there is GREATLY appreciated. 


Love Kara...x