Okay, so i know it's been a while since I updated, but my weight has really been pissing me off the last few days. I went down to 9 stone 3 and was really happy with myself, but I weighed myself earlier to find I've gone up to 9 stone 6/7!
I'm in my room most of the time these days and when my mum calls me down for tea, I try to delay getting it, but then when I go down for something else she'll route march me into the kitchen to my tea.
I'll then go back upstairs to eat it, then realizing afterwards that I could of flushed it or left it down for the dog! I automatically feel fat afterwards and end up drinking as much water as I can in the next hour or two.
Resorting back to Bulimia is kind of out of option at the moment, I can't seem to get myself to throw up, it's infuriating!!
I have to go back to the doctors on Monday and according to my friends and my one of my teachers it's becoming more and more obvious that I've lost weight. Now don't get me wrong, I want people to notice I've lost weight and I want them to compliment me, but I don't want to walk into the doc's office and want him to give me another concerned look. Also my father's going with me and he doesn't know I've been cutting again. I can't exactly hide the fact that I've done it from my doctor either considering there's new scars on my wrist and a scar running down my torso, I have IBS, so he's going to be checking my stomach and ribs for any difference anyway.
So, christmas and new years was interesting. I broke up with my boyfriend and my best friend. I recently got back with him and me and my best friend have sorted our problems between us out. The whole time I was away from both of them my stomach was having a fucking fit! I was up most nights in agonizing pain knowing that when I went back to school I was going to get ripped apart!! But, luckily, it didn't happen. (Phew!)
I've fallen out with my "Dad" over my boyfriend. I can understand he doesn't like him, but EVERY TIME I see him he automatically asks if I'm still with him or how are relationship is going. He's even started threatening him in front of me just to get me pissed off, then tells me if I keep ignoring him that he's going to flip on me:/
...and I though he was the nice one.
I love my boyfriend and wish no harm to him even when he frustrate me beyond belief. If anything were to happen to him I don't know what I'd do. He's the reason I'm still here, I was contemplating suicide when I broke up with him and my bestie. I cry my eyes out even at the thought of losing them again.
I say I need no one and most of the time this is true, but in all reality I need them more than the air I breathe.
